I am weaker with the lights on….
Am I cloak or am I dagger. Can you be both or is that just a pipe dream. I guess they get me bugged.
Last night had an amazing up spot but still couldn’t get me interested long term. The same again today which is a shame because time is running out in both instances. What if we are just broken shells, I certainly don’t think we will be OK left alone tonight. What if there is simple nothing more to us. Is life just a quick slight of hand and there we just grow up to fade away? Let’s just slowly drift through these dead ends together. We won’t be “alright” this time…
I hate feeling like this but at some points over the last few days I have got myself into the white but that black, the darkness still lingers behind me. I don’t believe there is anything more to you and there is nothing left for us as an us. But I can get something special out of it if the work effort is right in the near future.
I find myself close to tears on a daily basis, the only problem being is that some days it is laughter and sometimes it is not what causes this. I just need to kick back, a change is due. I am not one of these people who believes in fresh starts however, it does make you wonder when you see these people make a new beginning only to return to the previous page only a short time later.
From my experience there is the new start and then you have the turning back periods. The predictable ones at 1day, 3days, 1-2 weeks, 1-2 months. Then for some reason any time after that I find is a waste. It is just a figment of a feeling.
I have tried (but failed) to figure out how many lives I’ve wasted waiting for the perfect start. I’ll kick tomorrow.
The last rights are surely on their own way around here somewhere, everybodies bleeding in some way or another and its good to see the people fighting back, even in the worst downpours, the commitment is worth reward but naturally that never comes.
Do you ever fear the dark impressions of your future. If you do its your own doing, your future is usually what you make of it in most circumstances. I am afraid of big words but that doesn’t mean I won’t attempt to spell them.
For all those looking for a mystery in me I think you shall be looking for a long time. It’s a lot simpler than that. Consciousness cannot explain it though. We’re just carbon-based!
On a lighter note, if there is no point at all it must be worth enjoying these times alone. It think your fun but I expect nothing sort of thing. That’s just up my alley as long as it’s on my time. When I say. When I want it. When I need something else I’ll take this instead. Will anyone remember us, I think it is just going to end up as dust. Can you feel it, if you feel your feeling something that’s not there.
