I see you all over me in my head…
Yeah, well what I’ve said it before that it is impossible to imagine anything and it be true. Last night was not different, what I still am finding it hard to understand is that all the numbers were in place, they all added up perfectly, it was everything I had planned yet I sit here with a huge sense of… Well thats the thing I don’t even know how I am supposed to feel here. It seems logical that I need to be the teacher in this situation but it is impossible to change someone if they don’t want to. It would be wrong of me to even place myself. It seems logical to go back to the mango tree, but that won’t last long.
You were screaming no but your eyes and mouth said screeched yes. Nice guys finish last eh? Well if you didn’t know you do now that I am not a nice guy and maybe this is the payback for the things that I have done. I can’t complain the pros have always out weighed the cons. I’d hate to be on the flip side of that coin but naturally it seems that way for the time being. Even when the shoes are in separate houses its still the same story but for all the right reasons. I think that I am a person who fantasises too much and just need to lower my expectation so that they can be exceeded rather than the other way around.
Only at this point will I (hope) understand a love that I have known. It’s going down down at some point. But why can I not get this picture out of my mind? Is the quick sand going to be my coat of arms once more. It’ a shame but the killings lead to this.
What’s the next logical step, whats the next actual step going to be. It’s not a case of one step forward too steps back at all. In fact I think that I go sideways. Not standing still but not going backwards but not making progress either. The high tide is constantly around my neck but I don’t fear the dark now. The gravestone whisper can keep mocking me but the fever won’t reach my core. Is it time to fight back or not.
Shore lines all around the world with the many grains of sand, filled with people squandering lives in the best way possible. It is sure that for however I ‘feel’ at the present time that there are a billion other grains of sand in a worse situation, nor does that make my situation any less ‘kickable’ however much the pouring rain comes tomorrow. Fight back?
Pull the plug on this one is what should be done, the fact that I have two sinks both half full now is not good (God knows how I have managed to make a sink metaphor up). We all know there is nothing more to me. The empty space is a broken shell for now. De ja vu? What if that can’t be explained. I am annoyed to be in this position but feel much better equipped to handle it this time, no more spirals. At the end of it all we are all just carbon based. Consciousness cant explain these absurd demands however you fight it. Fight back?
I’ll leave you with this last thought for whoever is out there wondering just what I am on about: What if there is nothing more to me? If that is the case, is there anything more to you? Then is there anything more to us. We will be alright? Time to move on.
“Success is the best application of problem solving when there is a clear understanding of what needs to be done and goals have been set.”
Yes sir you can quote me on that HMNIM, 2010.
What makes me so different, the insides work the same…
